About My Spiritual Journey
I have good memories of going to church growing up and found it to be a positive experience. But even though I considered church a good activity, I didn’t ‘get it’. What I mean is I didn’t know Jesus. Yes, I learned about Jesus, but I didn’t know Him.
After leaving home, in college and afterwards, I became very interested in learning what I could about other religions. I honestly thought I was seeking God in these ways, but in truth I went further and further away from what I believe God intended. And although some of these spiritual experiences may have been real, I still did not know Jesus. Looking back, even though I had a good life on the outside, that was a very empty place to be.
Thankfully God was drawing me close to Him. One day in March of 2005 I heard some explanations about Jesus being the sacrifice for our sins and how it fulfilled the ancient Jewish system of sacrifices, and the terms Mercy Seat and Propitiation. Somehow it just clicked. I finally ‘got it’ how Jesus was the sacrifice for us.
That night I called his name quietly aloud. I silently was asking Him to show me another way other than the way I had been living on the inside. In an instant He healed me of some emotional issues but most importantly he changed my soul. I don’t know how else to describe it, but just like it says in the Bible, my old sin nature was dead and I was a new person in Christ.
I am so thankful that I know Jesus now, and the Spirit lives inside of me. Life has a fullness I didn’t know existed and I have the peace that passes understanding.
That being said, honestly, life has been hard in many ways since I became a Christian. I am not perfect and the world we live in certainly isn’t, either. There is a lot of suffering and Jesus does not promise to take it all away from you. What He does promise is to be with you always. I was very skeptical of Christianity for many years, but I didn’t truly understand what it meant. It doesn’t mean you’ll get everything you want or that God will make your life easy. In fact, it often means the opposite. Just look at the early Christians who became martyrs and even Christians today in some parts of the world who are persecuted. So why do they stand so firmly for their faith? Why would I want to share this with others? Because it is the best thing that ever happened to me.
41 “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” 43 Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.” 44 Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. 46You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. 47 Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” 48 And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” 49 Then those who were at table with him began to say among themselves, “Who is this, who even forgives sins?” 50 And he said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
Luke 7:41-50 (ESV)